K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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