Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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