Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
