If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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