What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
