You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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