Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
