i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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