Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
