I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
