at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
