I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
