I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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