I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
