you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
