i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
