The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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