my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
