When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
