my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just cropdusted the office
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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