I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
