listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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