so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
