soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sext me about skeletons
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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