i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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