So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
