My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
should my penis look like a turkey
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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