I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
