I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So many bounce houses so little time
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
