My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
