Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
