At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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