I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
