I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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