he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Randomize
