forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
