We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
