Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
