I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
love makes seman taste better
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My penis needs a shock collar
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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