fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
