I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
