Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
