She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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