New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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