How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
