We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Randomize
