3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
