How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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