i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
