So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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