She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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