he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
