saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
