Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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