If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
