you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
