So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
